In part one, we learned what could make an ordinary human being want to devote her life to studying human remains. In part two, we compare the young Forensic Anthropologist to “Bones.” Because no one has probably ever said that to her before.
Al: I have shown great restraint in not mentioning “Bones.”
Kelsey: Everyone calls me “Bones” or immediately equates me with her …which i don’t mind–it would be my dream job.
Al: At the ME’s office, how long did it take you to get used to dealing with dead people? What was the hardest thing to get over?
Kelsey: Well, bones are different from dead people. They’re less personal and less obviously “HUMAN!”
Al: And you can only make soup from them. No casseroles or fajitas.
Kelsey: It’s hard to get over that bodies aren’t scary, but they’re just there. They might be gross to look at, but they’re not going to do anything to you.
Al: Did you have any epiphanies about the human body while you were rooting around in them?
Kelsey: Only that the human body is a sweet sweet machine
Al: Not even something like, “Damn. Look at that poor bastard. I’d best take care of my spleen?”
Kelsey: Nah. I take really good care of myself in general.
I have seen smokers’ lungs though. Those are nice
Al: They could be crawling with zombie blood worms and it wouldn’t discourage a smoker from sucking on that next lung dart.
I’ve seen some really disgustingly fat people, old people with gross bed sores, and stuff like that.
Al: Mm mm good. Mm mm good. That’s what gross bed sores are, mm mm good.
What was the most important thing you learned, relative to forensic anthropology?
Kelsey: Umm… I dunno
Actually, that’s not true. I learned this one method of determining male/female or black/white that is extremely accurate, just by using the end of the femur.
Al: Is it something you can easily explain? My readers like a good party trick.
Kelsey: Hahaha, wait–
…am i actually being interviewed here?
Al: Absolutely. And by typing in everything you’ve already typed, you agree to let my publish it all.
Kelsey: Then, yeah, I suppose so.
You measure the notch height between the distal condyles of the femur–essentially, the end of the femur that joins with the tibia to make the knee. Those two bumpy bits look kind of like this, __l–l__, where the bumpy parts are the _
Stupid auto correct thing.
Al: Life would be so much simpler if the human condition could be reduced to a few lines of ASCII.
Kelsey: If you measure the l–l part from the top to bottom, the height tells you if it’s male or female or black or white.
Sorry, that’s not very clear
So what made you want to interview me?
Al: I looked at the list of people who were online, and you were the one with the most interesting interest. I mean, who wants to read about Nutbutter’s* work in IT?
Kelsey: Fair enough
* Nutbutter’s work in IT really is interesting, despite his otherwise dull personality.