Five Things I’ve Learned from Zombie Gunship

zombie gunship splash screen
End times? Lock n’ load.

A Strategy Guide

A few months ago, I posted a review of the excellent mobile platform shooter Zombie Gunship. I took it down because my focus on the “shoot the black guys, save the white guys” aspect of the game was stupid. It was also unfair to the kind folks who made it. This is not a Tea Party game; the interface is a simulation of infrared vision, where hot is lighter and cold is darker. If you encounter a walking corpse with body heat, don’t shoot–it’s probably just Iggy Pop. You can invert the colors so that the civilians are black and the zombies are white–no shades of gray here. Let’s move on…

Hell from above

Every schmuck with a smartphone has that one game that they play way too much. In the gynecologist’s waiting room, at the Brave’s game, driving the kids to school–whenever there is a need to engage that portion of your gray matter that can’t sit still, that one game is the pacifier. The irony is not lost on me that my brain pacifier is all about killing creatures that want to suck on my brains. There’s a reason I keep a lobo under the driver’s seat and keep up my cardio with zeal.

zombie gunship horde
When my game is suffering, I just imagine that these are fans on their way to a Nickelback concert.

Following are a few tips for scoring higher on Zombie Gunship. A tip of the skullcap to Columbus, Tallahassee, and friends.

  1. Nut up or shut up. The stated goal of the game is “protect the civilians,” and that is good advice because if you take out three of them (six, when you can afford the General Pardon), the game ends. But you don’t lose any points for allowing the living to get eaten, and even with a well-aimed Gatling gun blast, it’s not always easy to avoid killing a human while attempting to snipe the attacking ghoul. I’m a lifelong pacifist, and it didn’t take but two games–three tops–for me to give up risking a high score just to save a few idiots who couldn’t get off the couch for a few minutes a day to take a walk or do an elliptical. A new feature in Zombie Gunship gives you one round with no civilians for every 75 you save, finally giving you a reason to work on your aim.
  2. Set the standard for “Not to be F***ed With.” The 105mm howitzer is a thing of beauty–the bringer of pain and delight. But it isn’t just for special occasions. You needn’t wait for a cluster of undead or a Gossamer to fire the big gun–do so at at every opportunity. It only takes a few seconds to reload, and it can save you precious milliseconds when shit starts getting crazy.
  3. That’ll do, pig. If you upgrade the radius of the 25mm Gatling gun, it is less effective at sniping zombies and concentrating your fire on Gossamer. Upgrade the other parameters, but keep the damage radius at low. Remember, you can’t downgrade your weapons.
  4. Beat wholesale ass for a lot less. The Gatling gun should not be your primary weapon. Use the 40mm Bofors as your main gun. Maximize all options on this weapon and practice with it until its blast radius and reload time are part of your subconscious.
  5. Cardio. When zombies and Gossamers begin to appear at a high rate of frequency, you cannot wait to take out large groups; fire ceaslessly. As soon as the howitzer has reloaded, fire it again. Hold down the Fire button and strafe lines of undead with the 40mm Bofors gun. Keep moving. Keep firing. “Never give in–never surrender.”

Hit me. I can take it.

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